He is here!!!

I am officially and grandma!!! Welcome Tristan Anthony Luiz to our world!!! I can not believe how much I already LOVE him!!!!

So a week ago

I had something happen to me that was life changing. Just about this same time!! I can not really talk about it because I am not sure how I feel about it. It happened because of the place my life is in and has been in for awhile now.
So today, He calls me and wants to know if I am done??? I dont even know how to feel about that. That is the truth. He left me. He treated me like shit and I treated him like shit. We have not been happy for so long. How can he still want me if HE left??? Things are not what they are supposed to be, he is not who he is supposed to be.
I told him I am not ready for this and I need time to decide what is right for me and my girls. What to do when you give someone your heart and they stomp on it. Can it be gotten back? I just dont know what to think. I know I need to do what I NEED to do and that is it. I know I am vulnerable and I dont want that to be the reason I even talk to him. Missing him is not a reason to be with him because it is not the man that left me that I miss. It is the man that I married and I dont even know if that man exists.
I will not be suckered again. Belive that!!! I am strong and I have my own mind and I will not be suckered again!! Yes I said it twice because I believe it. I believe that if you dont give someone what they want when they want it that the true colors of that person show. I am not going to do what anyone but me wants me to do.
My girls are my TOP priority and having peace in our lives comes before anything else!! Peace is what I hope for!! Peace!!!

New revelations!!

I am scared!!! I don't know how I am going to do this alone. I have not planned for this!! I don't feel as confident as I would like.
Ok, now that it is out there I feel better!! This is what I wanted but it sux feeling like I failed everyone again. I know I am not solely at fault here but I sure didn't get married again to be divorced. I know that a love like I felt for David is once in a lifetime and I HATE that it did not go the distance!! I have loved and been loved like I always needed in my life and now I fear that it will never happen again.
I have my girls and they are sleeping here right within touching distance. They keep me strong!! They give me my strength right now. Being a mother to them will let me find the things I need to move forward. I dont know what I would have done with out Cassie. I wish she were within touching distance.
We will do this!! I will do this!!!! I believe in my family!!! I love my family!!!!

I am sorry!!!

I miss you David

More than I ever thought possible!!! I love you!!!

SAHM

I never thought I would be here again. Able to stay at home with my girls and give them super mom attention. Because I cicumstances beyond my control something great came from something HORRIBLE. I will do all that I can to keep my children safe and let them learn about all the good things in the world and how wonderful family can be. I feel lucky today!!!
I am totally excited because Dude and Casssie will be coming in April and I will have everyday to spend with them!! No leaving them alone while I go to work.

Let's just hope everyday brings something new to try and experience with ALL my beautiful children!!!!

Grandma

Life is such an ever changing thing. I found out about a month ago that I will be a grandma in August. My 16 yr old son's 17 yr old girlfriend are having a baby. My babies will have a niece or a nephew. And the tradition continues, only this time my girls will still be a little older as aunts. I am all torn up inside because she has left to go to SC and is taking my son with her in a few weeks. I want so much to be in all of there lives to lend a hand. I truly hope that they will let that happen.

So I am gonna be a grandma.